This blog will be thrown together as-and-when I have something to write about, or when I experience feelings I need to articulate and get off my mind.

There is no great plan, other than to see how writing works as a tool for self-help and the regulation of my emotions. If others can read this blog and gain some insight and understanding of their own struggles, or the struggles of somebody close to them, or even if my writing just helps to raise awareness around mental health issues in high-functioning persons, I would be glad.

At first glance I would be considered high-functioning: I have a fulfilling job at a good company, where I have been for many years and where I am respected and (as far as I can tell) well-liked.
I am active, healthy, approachable and cheerful (on the outside), and maintain close friendships and relationships.

However, I have always struggled, and in the past, been crippled by various mental health issues, ranging from depression, anxiety, eating disorders, and what I suspect are a number of other personality disorders/undiagnosed mental health issues most likely caused by childhood trauma, abandonment and instability.

More recently I left an emotionally abusive relationship that caused me to forget who I was and change so much of myself, all to please somebody who had managed to convince me that everything they didn’t like about me was not just a difference in needs and personality types, but an inherent flaw in my character. The fact that they didn’t have any friends and disliked almost everybody they knew threw red flags, but for reasons I still can’t fathom I ignored those flags.
I eventually stumbled upon some reddit posts that opened my eyes to what had been happening to me, and what I had been subjected to, that I gained enough strength and confidence to leave the relationship.

However, I still struggle with the self-doubt and low self-esteem that were caused by the emotional abuse. I struggle to trust my judgement when it comes to reading people and their intentions, I don’t know whether my needs or responses to situations are normal parts of me and who I am, or whether they really are character flaws that I should try to improve and work on.

Hopefully somebody will read my posts and gain something from them. If not, I hope it will at least be therapeutic for me.